This post has been 8 months in the making. Eight long, confusing months. But in those long, slow moving months, I have learned so much about God and the story he is writing for me. I have learned more about myself than ever before. The depths of myself I rarely go to much less spend time meandering there. I have spent the past eight months in those depths. Part of me fears that I will stay right where I am until God has grafted a new me. As painful as that is, the outcome is such a beautiful thing that I am learning to be okay with where I am. I am in the waiting room!
Waiting rooms are a crazy pendulum of despair and hope. One minute your world is being rocked and then the next it is filled with hope. I recently sat in a waiting room with a friend. It was such a bizarre place! There was such camaraderie there. It was a place where people gathered to eat meals together, hug one another, laugh, cry, and feel all the big, crazy feels. It was a place where people just got each other. There were even people there who didn't know one another, but still became that place of solace. I'm telling you -- bizarre!
Then it hit me. This isn't bizarre at all actually. This is exactly how God designed us. We need each other. As I sat there listening to their stories and talking, I realized, I too am in a waiting of sorts. I am at a place where I am waiting on God to move. I am at a place where God is constantly telling me to "Be still and KNOW that I am God."
The reality is that God IS moving and I need to STOP moving, STOP trying to make it all work, to BE STILL and KNOW that HE is God. Not me. Not my plan. Not my dreams. HE is God. He is God on the hard days. He is God on the good days. He never slumbers. He never stops moving. He never stops loving me, my marriage, or my boy. He wants the very best for me, regardless of what I think I need. He is a good God. He is for me! He can be trusted. He is okay with it being hard because His will is SO much better!
What it all boils down to for me (and quite possibly you) is this: Am I willing to trust the Lord in the hardest times and worship Him still, even if I don't get my way? As childish as that sounds, I have to be at peace with whatever he chooses because at the end of the day, and all of my days, his glory and plan matter the most. Am I willing to be still (quiet, hush, at peace, motionless, free from turbulence or commotion) and rest knowing that HE is God? There is such hope there knowing that God CAN be trusted. All I have to do is be still and know!